Beauty Is Pain

I was praised at an early age for believing that “Beauty is pain”

For what is the sacrifice of comfort compared to the approval of others?

For what are my desires compared to appearance?

For what is beauty if it is not pain?

What is pain if it is not lack?

What am I if I am not beautiful — if I am not in pain?

What am I if I do not discard desires and if I do not lack?

If I do not, where, then, is the evidence of the beauty?

I was taught presentation trumps feeling

That you should “fake it ‘til you make it”

I don’t know what I was trying to make

I’m not sure that I wanted to make whatever it was

But I do believe I did it artificially. (if that helps)

It adds to the equation:

Was I trying to fake beauty and make desires? Therefore faking pain.

Was I trying to make beauty and pain? Therefore faking desires.

It is possible I do not understand because I have forgotten

why one term must be fake.

Fake it ‘til you make it, in other words, can be written:

“To live under the facade of what you hope to be.”

If beauty is pain

If beauty is what was made

Then beauty is the facade

Then the facade is pain.

I do not believe it untrue

However, I do not believe it beautiful.

Perhaps I should fake it?